Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Unaware Of Pentagon Report, Cheney Promises Iraq Will Not be Base For Further Attacks

BALAD AIR BASE, Iraq (Cheney News Channel) - Dick(head)Cheney promised our troops today that the United States intends to complete its mission in Iraq, will not allow Iraq to become a staging ground for further terrorist attacks on Americans. Aides were seen whispering in his ear and putting a copy of last weeks Pentagon Report (Saddam's Iraq) on the table for him while his wife blushed in embarrassment.

"All Americans can be certain that we intend to complete the mission so that another generation of Americans does not have to come back here and do it again," Cheney told 3,000 U.S. troops at Balad Air Base, contradicting McCains message that America would be in Iraq for 100 years.

The war in Iraq contributes to President George W. Bush's low popularity ratings, but the corporate bailout today, and a failing economy are the real kick in his ass. The economy will be a major issue in the U.S. presidential election, which might explain McCain's reading material for the plane ride over, "Economics For Dummies".

Cheney, on a visit to Iraq to keep an eye on McCain and LIEberman, on Monday called the 2003 U.S. linvasion of Iraq a "successful endeavour" and promised Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki the unwavering support of the United States if they could get the insurgents to keep attacks down until after the fall elections, explaining that McCain's chances depended on the SURGE looking like a success until the end of November.

"We have no intention of abandoning our friends if we can hold the White House or allowing this country ... to become a staging ground for further attacks against Americans," Cheney, an architect of the failed 2003 invasion, told the soldiers at Balad.

The vice president spent the night with his wife Lynne in a trailer at Balad, one of the largest near permanent U.S. air bases in Iraq. In the early hours McCain was heard snoring over a barrage of mortar and artillery fire lasting for several hours.

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